This is abou the horrible week of December 12 to 19 and going

I was supposed to embark in an oil production ship for about a month to teach English there, and then one month vacation. I traveled for this other town for two weeks for training, where I was constantly tested, provoked, and sometimes humiliated. Then I passed it. I came back to Rio to do one more week of training to get a certificate in offshore safe procedures. I had hardly finished when I was contacted to embark the following day. I had to go back to Macae (3 hours from Rio), come back to Rio and take a helicopter to this platform. I was asked to do a urine toxicological exam and something came up due to the medication I was taking for anxiety. While I was waiting for them to solve the problem, I just snapped. I had a panic crisis so severe that I thought I would pass out right in the middle of the street.
I came back home and now I am trying to treat myself. I have noticed that I have been having anxiety issues from the last three years or so to this day. I used to love to travel and try new things, but all of a sudden I started to feel terrified to go anywhere.
It is just so horrible. I feel this enormous pressure in my chest and I become immobilized. I feel like something terrible is about to happen. I know that it is just anxiety but I cannot fight it. In this case fear feeds on fear. I feel like it will never go away and that I am doomed.
Fortunately I started to take the same medication in a more regular basis and I feel better today and yesterday too. I can’t wait to start felling normal again, after all this time.
Now I am in a kind of standby, in a professional limbo. I am employed and I am not working or getting any wage.
I cannot ask to be fire because there is a contract breaching fee, and besides I need to work, for all the obvious reason but also because I need to get rid of this problem once for all.